As I prepare for an intake interview with a new psychiatrist on Monday, my mind turns to numbers. Numbers typically help me wrap my mind around the events of my life. They can help me establish some measure of control when I begin to feel things spinning out of control.
I must admit, though, the numbers related to my mental illness are just…. disturbing. Numbers like -
1) In the 13 years since my Bipolar diagnosis, I’ve taken 27 different medications, in various combinations (as few as 2, as many as 7 at a time). None have worked for as much as a year.
2) My 2-hour intake interview on Monday will cost more than my first car.
3) I have been consistently off-balance emotionally for the past 2 1/2 years.
4) In the past 13 years, I have spent more on medication than we paid for our cabin in the Adirondacks.
5) While I had only 2 psychiatrists from March, 1995-September, 2007, in the past 17 months, I have gone through 4.
Yet, in many ways, I have survived in spite of the numbers -
1) I’m still alive. It is estimated that somewhere between 15-25% of persons with Bipolar Disorder commit suicide, die by accidents or altercations triggered by their mania.
2) I’m still working. Studies have shown that although only 1-3% of the population has Bipolar disorder, it is the sixth leading cause of disability worldwide.
3) I’m still married. According to various studies 90% of marriages for persons with Bipolar end in divorce.
4) I still have a home. The prevalence of homelessness of persons with a serious mental illness (Bipolar included) is 15%.
5) I still have (some) money. One study estimated that persons with chronic Bipolar episodes spend an average $624,785 on their mental health - and this study was done about 20 years ago. In today’s economy, this has no doubt exceeded $1,000,000. (Source: ”Economic Grand Rounds: The Economic Burden of Bipolar Disorder” by Glen L. Stimmel.)
No matter how you add it up, I have a lot to be grateful for. Thanks be to God.
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more on Bipolar….
“My Bipolar: A Socio-Historical Perspective, 1963-1964“
“How Not to Befriend a Person with Bipolar“
Yes, those numbers could be (pardon the expression) depressing. I tend to think in numbers too. Thanks be to the God who is beyond all numbers. You are in my prayers and, I’m sure, in the prayers of (pardon the expression) many others. I love the mental image of “being lifted up” in the prayers of others… do you have a graphic for that?
The Pistol fires back: Thanks very much for your prayers. I’ll have to look for a “lifted up in prayer” graphic.
Wow … I didn’t realize just what some of those statistics were. To an extent, I didn’t want to know, since I was dealing with some of that stuff.
Thanks be to God, indeed!
My highest count was four meds — lexapro, wellbutrin, buspar, and klonopin. I don’t think I could have kept track of 7 at once. Taking buspar twice a day was challenging enough for me.
You’re doing really well, I think … and keeping your focus on the One who makes it possible.
The Pistol fires back: I had no idea you were crazy like me. I’ve taken lexapro and currently take wellbutrin and klonpin. I’ve never heard of buspar. I’ll have to look into that one. Thanks for your encouragement. Even on my bad days, I am grateful to God things aren’t as bad as they could be.
What is really bad is when you have insurance that will reimburse you and yet the *&%^@#$ place wont send in the paperwork so you can get reimbursed and then calls you 20 times a week when you cancel your therapy appointment because you can’t shell out $100 a week.
The Pistol fires back: I’m blessed to have a wife who fills out my paperwork and fights our insurance battles. Still, our insurance coverage is very limited. For example, my intake interview Monday will be $600, which we’ll have to pay up front. In 2-3 months, our insurance company will reimburse us maybe $100. Counting the cost of drugs, I expect to have to pay (out of pocket) as much as $10,000/year to stay relatively sane. It boggles the mind.
I’ve never commented on your blog before but been reading your posts and many of your comments here and there. Youve got a good perspective on life and ministry. I can see God has been working in your life even through your difficulties. yes, thanks be to God! and hope it goes well monday
Peace, brother!
The Pistol fires back: Thank you very much for your encouraging words.
Our health system sounds better..but yeah…i’ve taken lotsa different meds..3 members of my family are on 3 different mood stabilisers…
The Pistol fires back: I’m glad to hear you have better (at least less expensive) care in the UK. But, I can’t complain. God provides.
Yeah, I’ve been on meds since 2001 and would like to get off them. They’re expensive and a pain to swallow. Things I’ve taken include: Celexa, Risperdal, Lamictal, Lexapro, Abilify, and Trileptal. Never more than three at once, though–you’ve got me beat. I firmly believe that God can heal you/me/people, though. I find that when I am doing best is when I am seeking his face. Perhaps an obvious correlation, but one that can’t be remembered enough. Stay strong.
The Pistol fires back: Yeah, I’ve been on those 6 drugs at various times (I’m currently taking lamictal and risperdal, among others). Definitely, healing comes from God alone. But don’t neglect to allow God-gifted psychiatrists to promote your healing with meds. As much as a pain as they can be, I definitely see them as necessary. If I were to go off them, it would be like a diabetic going off insulun.
If it is okay with you I am going to put this on The Mood Disorder Sidebar…..a great, great, post.
The Pistol fires back: That would be wonderful. Thank you.
as a mom … this is hard to digest. everything about bp, as a mom watching my daughter, is hard; very, very hard. this makes me cry.
The Pistol fires back: Hang in there, Ame. The numbers don’t tell the whole story. Your daughter may live a long and richly rewarding life. Have faith and let God guide you as you provide the best support you can. I’ll be praying for you and for your daughter.
Thanks for visiting and commenting. Please come back soon and often.
this sounds like a Saratoga Springs story!
hell hath no fury like a cuckholded husband drowning in alcohol.
Hunter Newman
Princeton, New Jersey
February 24, 2008
http://judgedougmills.com
The Pistol fires back: Hunter, I have no idea what you are talking about. But, I appreciate you dropping by and leaving a comment just the same.
Wow, those are staggering numbers! I never looked at my illness in those terms. Now, (since I’m pretty manic today) I’m going to be researching and obsessing over them.
Would love to have you check out my new blog - astramillie at wordpress.
astramillie