Two letters have been unearthed that some say, “could turn Christianity upside down.”
“We think it could, possibly, with some measure of uncertainty, be two letters,” says Professor Sam R.T. Pants, archeologist from Harvard University. ”One is perhaps from Judas Iscariot to Mary Magdalene and the other potentially is Mary’s reply.”
A team of linguists from Harvard quickly translated the letters and sent them out to all available news sources - including this blog. The first letter reads as follows -
My Dearest MM –
How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh how beautiful! Your eyes are doves. Your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels. Let me kiss with the kisses of my mouth — for your love is more delightful than wine.
Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone. Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely. How beautiful are your sandaled feet. Your graceful legs are like jewels. Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine. Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled.
How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love with your delights! Your stature is like that of a palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit. I will climb that palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit.
Come away, my lover, and be like a gazelle.
With much love, JI
The reply is as follows -
Dear JI (a.k.a. Jerk Ignoramus) -
First, how dare you rip off a beautiful poem from Scripture to serve your own purposes.
Second, if you would spend more time following the Lord rather than oogling my body, there might be hope for your soul.
Finally, nobody will ever believe those rumors about me and Jesus being married, so give it up.
Drop dead, MM
While some within academic circles are convinced of the authenticity of these letters, others have doubts. Said one Princeton professor,
”You’ve got to be skeptical since the letters are written on Harvard stationary.”
Ha! Hilarious!
Very well done.
It’s ludicrous how sectarian those academics are. Congratulations on your spectacular find!
ROFL You are too funny.
You had me going. I thought they were real and found myself thinking: what have they come up with now? Good post. anabel
The Pistol fires back: You mean…they weren’t real? I guess I’m going to have to check my sources more thoroughly.
Nice find. And just about as believable as the Discovery Channel documentary.
The Pistol fires back: Discovery channel? What’s the Discovery channel? I live on a diet of Elmo, Barney & Blue’s Clues.
:) Good one.
LOL! That’s HILARIOUS!. Thanks, I needed the laugh.
You’re being added to my blogroll…
The Pistol fires back: Glad to be of service. Thanks for adding me to your roll. I’ll try not to disappoint. And if I do, keep me there anyway. I can always use the ego boost.
Brilliant, thanks.
The Pistol fires back: Thank you. And thank you for your timely reporting on Church affairs. I highly commend to my readers your site. That’s, http://contrapauli.blogspot.com
Wow, it was just so interesting, I was reading it with so much attention that when I got to the Harvard paper, I nearly fell on the floor laughing.
Thanks, too funny.