A blogger friend of mine, Susanna shared some trouble her church is going through. A man they were ministering to and coming to trust molested a minor. My friend was soul searching for the best Christian response and reflecting how the church might effectively deal with the crisis.
It got me thinking about the nature of forgiveness. In the Bible, it’s mixed. In the story of Joseph, he forgave his brothers even though they abused him, but only after they had shown to him they had changed. On the contrary, the father of the Prodigal Son ran out to embrace him even before he had the chance to express repentance. There are many other stories and teachings that show forgiveness is more complicated than it seems. Sometimes it comes before repentance, sometimes after, sometimes at the same time.
Jesus, of course, calls us to radically forgive those who persecute and abuse us. But I’ll be honest, when it comes to something like child abuse, I just can’t bring myself to do it. I find myself siding with Lyle Lovett in a song he wrote about a woman who has cheated on him.
Who keeps on trusting you
When you’ve been cheating
And spending your nights on the town
And who keeps on saying that he still wants you
When you’re through running around
And who keeps on loving you
When you’ve been lying
Saying things ain’t what they seem
God does
But I don’t
God will
But I won’t
And that’s the difference
Between God and me
So who says he’ll forgive you
And says that he’ll miss you
And dream of your sweet memory
God does
But I don’t
God will
But I won’t
And that’s the difference
Between God and me
There are some things I can’t seem to forgive. How about you?
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more on forgiveness…
Excellent question. This is becoming my favorite blog (don’t tell anyone I said that).
Forgiveness is a strange thing for me. I have forgiven the people that hurt me in my childhood, I have forgiven the people who have committed violence against me in horrible ways, and I have even forgiven my son’s father for not being involved in his life. BUT there is a woman in my life that I still can’t forgive. She was someone who said she cared but then turned her back on me. Seems like a simple thing compared to the rest…but for some reason I haven’t let to of it.
I need to think about that….
The disciples asked Jesus how often they ought to forgive. In doing this they offered the number 7 for His consideration, thinking that this was being very generous. Jesus responded by admonishing them to forgive 70 times 7. In other words, try forgiving until it hurts, and then do it some more. Go outrageously over the top in your forgiving. Stretch your forgiveness muscle, and put it into Olympic style training. Forgive and forgive and keep on forgiving until it seems like you can’t do it anymore. And then forgive some more. Be a vessel of healing in a hurting world. Become an example of love where others may be prone to think only in terms of vindication and punishment. The reason why this is such an important concept may have as much to do with keeping our own hearts soft and pliable in the hands of the master physician, as it does with being an instrument of healing toward the person who has committed the violation.
Your friend, and the church she attends, will undoubtedly struggle with our Lord’s admonition to emulate his sacrifice in this regard. It is my prayer for them that they will come to a place in their hearts, both individually and collectively, where they will indeed be able to forgive; for their own sakes, as much as for the sake of the person who has destroyed their trust. Such forgiveness does not, of course, mean that we should be foolish or irresponsible, and continue as if nothing happened. Certainly not. The molestor will not be given another opportunity to secumb to his or her weakness. At least not in that particular church or community. Still, the most damaging reaction of all in this situation may well be to resist indefinitely the teaching of our Lord, as offered to us in both His Word, and His Deed. I have not read Suzanna’s reflections on this matter yet, but I am nonetheless confident that there is a united chorus of Christian intercession being offered for our Lord’s Holy Spirit to comfort and guide her and and her church’s fellowship during this trying time. My prayer is added to that chorus; and it is specifically that they may experience the Spirit’s comfort in the midst of pain, healing in the face of hurt, power in spite of weakness, …and the ability to forgive in a way that transcends all human understanding.
Blessings!
Jesus, that Radical, never gives us an easy out does He? Forgive, forgive, forgive as you have been forgiven. There are people and behaviors that we find to be completely abhorrent and unforgivable and yet on the Father’s scales, their sin is the same our moment of anger this morning on the freeway. He forgives all who repent and realign their hearts with His and He looks for us to the same. I suppose it is a measure of our maturity when we can follow through on this.
Of course, Jesus never says that there are not consequences from actions and sometimes they are hard, painful, excruciatingly difficult consequences. We don’t revel in the consequences that follow on the heels of bad behavior, we work to restore God’s child gone wrong.
Forgiveness is on my list of things to work on. I’m coming to believe, based on Christ’s words and example, that it is a never-ending stream of forgiveness that is to flow from us as Christians (somebody already quoted the 70 x 7 verse above). For me, just daily personality conflicts create an issue. I work with a person or two who have rubbed me the wrong way at one time or another and it has been a real struggle to put it behind me enough to give a cordial greeting to them when we pass in the hall. For bigger issues such as molestation, I can only conclude it would be that much more difficult. Considering, however, that Christ as forgiven and redeemed sinners of all kinds, we should aim to do likewise.