The Healing Power of the Psalms

          O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.     (Psalm 30:2)

(found at barbsnow.net)

 

          People like to display their family Bibles when the pastor comes to visit.  On one such visit in my first pastorate, my hosts opened up their Bible and showed me a unique treasure I’d not seen before or found since.  In the midst of the Psalms, written in the margins were folk remedies detailing how one could find healing in the Word.  The instructions were very specific -

“Say this Psalm five times for sore throat.”

 

(found at Shawn’s POZ Blog)

 

“Good for gout.”

(found at Clivir Learning Community)

 

 

“Heals dizziness.”

(found at Balance Chicago)

 

          At first I smiled at the seeming superstitiousness of those who applied Scripture in such a simplistic manner.  But, over the years I’ve come to appeciate how profound their faith may well have been.  It takes courage to trust that the God who created heaven and earth takes pains even to heal my headaches.

          Healing happens.  Can you believe it?  If you find yourself ill reading this book, read on.  I believe you will find, as I have, healing waters flowing through the Psalms in drips and drabs as well as in overwhelming floods.  Healing comes to those who, like me, suffer with a serious mental illness as well as those who battle morning sickness.  Even (perhaps especially) to those facing pain as they near life’s end.

          No matter our pain – physical, emotional, spiritual – God wants to make us well.  Can you believe it?

Divine Remembering

I will call to mind the deeds of the LORD;
I will remember your wonders of old.
I will meditate on all your work.
And muse on your mighty deeds. (Psalm 77:11-12, NRSV)

While I regret many of my own past deeds when I’ve been off balance one kind of remembering always brings me deep satisfaction and that is remembering the work of the LORD.

I remember God miraculously protecting me the time I spun out on ice in interstate traffic, did several 360s before gently landing in a snow bank backwards in the median.

(found at Chicago Personal Injury Lawyer Blog)

I remember God quietly leading me when I had no idea what I would do with my life, speaking gentle words (and not so gentle ones) through loving friends and family.

(found at New Mexico State University)

I remember God answering my prayer for a companion in life just days after I had changed my mind about relocating to a new city.

(found at Flickr.com)

I remember these and many other wonderful things where God has turned my life around.  For a person who has trouble staying balanced, it’s great to know Someone who can balance the whole world in loving hands.

Who Is My Enemy?

I call upon the LORD,
who is worthy to be praised,
so shall I be saved from my enemies. (Psalm 18:3)

(found at First Church of the Open Bible)

Since being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I’ve been able to name my enemy.  I should say one of my enemies.  It is clear that there are many powers and principalities that work against all of us and particular ones for those of us who do battle with a mental illness.

Where it gets tricky sometimes is naming enemies that come in more human forms.  Having a mental illness, we can be accused of being delusional when we talk about our enemies.  We may be dismissed as paranoid.  Genuine enemies recognize this and may even use it to further work against us.

(found at Sigg3.net)

As I have sought to serve in ministry with a mental illness, I have found that often my staunchest adversaries are people who have yet to come to terms with the illness within themselves or in other loved ones.  The demons of denial and projection can be particularly strong.  Though few admit to it, no one knows a mental illness quite like someone who has it or sees it in someone close to them.

(found at Scum Doctor.com)

The good news is that even the most challenging enemies in life within and around us can be defeated when we call on the name of the LORD.  I have found that as I’ve admitted to my illness and asked for help, God has given me many more friends than enemies and for this I give God all the praise.

(found at Friendster Profiles)

Pain is Gain

          It is good for me that I’ve been afflicted, that I might learn from your statutes.    (Psalm 119:71, Book of Common Prayer)

(found at Explore Posterous)

 

          If, as Socrates said, “the unexamined life is not worth living,” it must follow that the closely examined life is valuable indeed. People with Bipolar are often driven to examine life to its fullest — never accepting anything at face value. We hold both what happens internally and externally up for scrutiny if for no other reason than to try to make sense of the chaos that swirls within and around us.

(found at Palscience.com)

          What Socrates expressed philosophically is communicated in a similar way Biblically by the Psalmist here during periods of “affliction”. It is good to go through trials. Trials teach us more about the glory of God than we could possibly know if we never struggled. If we never experienced pain, we could not appreciate pleasure.

          While I would not recommend you try to contract a mental illness (even if you could), if you do already have one I pray you will take advantage of the lessons we can all learn as we grow to depend more fully on God for good health and well being. It is within our affliction that we become more fully aware of the grace and mercy of God. It is where there seems to be no way through the pain that God’s way becomes most clear.

(found at Gospel Clip Art)

Restoring Relationships

Create in me a pure heart, O God,

          and renew a steadfast spirit within me.  (Psalm 51:10, NIV)

          At a Bipolar Disorder Support Group meeting once, I heard a woman confess to having repeated affairs on manic binges throughout her 10-year marriage.  Once caught, she felt compelled to leave home, convinced after a particularly angry confrontation that her husband could never forgive her.

found at homeinfidelitytest.com

 

          It is possible she was right.  But I urged her to reconsider her decision to leave for good and at least work on their relationship.  While infidelity does wreak havoc on many marriages, it is within God’s power to purify our hearts stained with sin and renew our spirits so that love can be restored.

found at RSVP

          It doesn’t always happen, but what a blessing it is when God claims victory over the forces that divide us and unites us once again.  The statistics aren’t good for persons with Bipolar remaining married, but I have found that it has been a tremendous blessing to have this sacred bond in my life to promote healing and wholeness.

found at Quotes and Sayings

 

 

Divine Satisfaction

Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love,

so that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.

Make us glad as many days as you have afflicted us,

and as many years as we have seen evil. (Psalm 90:14-15, NRSV)

found at More.com

For some time, verse 14 has been my opening prayer each morning.  It’s a beautiful request of the LORD to start each day with persistent evidence of divine love.

As we move to verse 15, however, the request becomes bolder – almost an accusation.  The thought that God has afflicted us for innumerable days and that we have seen evil for years is a radical one.  You can almost hear a commanding tone in the Psalmist’s prayer – “Make us glad…“

found at ihousephilly.org

The more I think of this, the more I think I will add verse 15 to my morning prayers.  Certainly, I have not experienced the depth of affliction or seen the evil of many other faithful believers, but as I pray, I’m praying for (and with) others as well.  I believe I will pray this with my brothers and sisters out there who struggle to be set free from Bipolar Disorder.  Maybe one day in Paradise we can gather and reflect on the gladness the Lord has brought our way.

found at flickr.com

Being Humbled

          Before I was humbled I went astray, but now I keep your word.      (Psalm 119:67)

          It is good for me that I was humbled, so that I might learn your statutes.      (Psalm 119:71)

          I struggle with limits. Particularly when I am feeling a bit manic, I hate going to bed and keeping a regular sleep schedule.

 found at Law Student Code

           The week before my first hospitalization, I had barely slept at all. My mind was filled with ministry ideas (all of which seemed brilliant – to me). I would formulate the next day’s plan while laying in bed, then move on to solve the problems of the congregation one by one, laying out a year, 5 year, a 10 year ministry goals. It all came together amazingly. All the while things around me were falling apart.

found at rebelliousarabgirl.net

           It all came crashing down on a Sunday in early February. I had gone to church around 5 a.m. and noticed one of our signs was bent over. I became convinced someone (or something) was plotting to overturn our ministry, but that we would keep pressing on.

          All through the morning I was a ball of energy, flitting from one person to the next. I thought I was saying profound things left and right but now I realize I was just confusing them. In the sermon I was moved to tears over mundane sentences. The afternoon was a blur. That evening I led youth group and remember playing the R.E.M. song – “It’s the End of the World as We Know It” over and over again while bouncing off the walls. A light fixture fell and I was sure it was a sign the End was indeed near.

 

found at “The Decree of Freyja”

          Fortunately, I made it home that night and agreed to admit myself to a nearby psych hospital the next day. I had done some laughable things, but had yet to make a complete fool of myself or jeopardize my standing as a pastor. God helped me make it to the psych hospital before I had a complete breakdown.

found at “Longing for a Holiday By the Sea”

 

          The experience was certainly a humbling one and while I still stray from positive limits, I’ve learned to stay within certain bounds to stay more healthy and sane for the sake of the LORD.

The Past is Past

These things I remember as I pour out my soul;

how I used to go with the multitude,

leading the procession to the house of God,

with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.

(Psalm 42:4, NIV)

 

(found at lutheranworld.org)

 

          After nearly 20 years of weekly worship leadership, I went from being a praise-filled pastor to an exhausted exile. Thanks in large part to complications caused by my Bipolar, I became unable to perform my duties with consistency and went on full-time disability.

          One of the biggest struggles for me, particularly in the first few months of my “exile”, was a nagging sense of nostalgia. Nostalgia may feel good at first, but it can be a deadly demon – particularly for someone with Bipolar. Ruminating on the past takes us away from the present challenges and may give us the desire to find “short cuts” to get back there.

          Longing to experience the way things once were in “the good old days”, I could try to manufacture a manic episode with something as simple as an overdose of caffeine or sugar or something as serious as skipping my meds. I could pay too much heed to the voices in my head filling me with regret such that my sorrow deepens. I could spend so much time remembering the past that my days and nights become little more than re-creations that actually cut into the creative work God has yet planned for my life.

          It is good to remember and appreciate the past so long as we don’t try to re-create it in the present and wind up with no future.

I Hate to Complain, But…

I cried unto God with my voice,

even unto God with my voice, and he gave ear to me.

In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord;

my sore ran in the night, and ceased not;

my soul refused to be comforted.

I remembered God, and was troubled:

I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed.

(Psalm 77:1-3, KJV)

          Complaining can be an exercise in futility or it can be a pathway to spiritual growth. It is no accident that many of the Psalmists and prophets complained to God about life in the world and their place in it.

          Moses complained about the Israelites. Jeremiah comlplained that he was not prepared for his calling. Jonah complained about his mission to Nineveh. Even Jesus complained to God – crying out on the cross – “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

          Complaints can be therapeutic if we use them in a cathartic way, to let loose our troubles. Otherwise, complaints have a way of being corrosive – of eating away at our spirit when we can least afford it. Complaints that are left to linger within us and are not transformed into prayer can ultimately overwhelm us and leave us more beaten down than when we first started complaining.

(found at Channel 4)

          As persons with Bipolar, we can certainly find much to complain about in our lives. I complain about a lot of things others do that I can’t do if I want to maintain balance. Drink a pot of coffee. Travel internationally. Stay up late and wake up early.

           Without prayer, these complaints will simply swirl around and create a spiraling mess into which I might sink and become trapped. With prayer, what can be an exercise in futility becomes a pathway to spiritual growth where I can give glory to God in all my weaknesses. Complaints for what is lacking can become praise for what God is doing, has done, and will keep doing for those who love the LORD.

(found at EZInspirations)

The Great Therapist

With my voice I cry out to the LORD;

     with my voice I make supplication to the LORD.

I pour out my complaint before him;

     I tell my trouble before him.     (Psalm 142:1-2)

 

          A therapist is a bit like God in that they both listen to complaints.  A good therapist, though, recognizes that his/her familiarity with God ends there and doesn’t try to play God by getting too enmeshed in our problems or trying to heal our condition for us.  A good therapist attempts to draw on the healing power that flows from God and sees that the source of this healing comes from beyond him or herself.

          I’ve had many therapists – some good and some not-so-good – in my nearly 25 year pursuit of good mental health.  One thing I’ve learned is that it takes a great deal of patience to be a good therapist – to listen to cries and supplication, complaints and trouble all day long, day in and day out.  A therapist who persistently yawns or watches the clock can give hurting people the impression that their hurts don’t matter.  A good therapist helps to lift the burden of pain a client carries simply by listening well.

 

          God is more than just a good therapist.  God is the Great Therapist.  Not only does the LORD listen to our complaints, the LORD always responds with love.

Preparing the Table

You prepare a table before me

     in the presence of my enemies.  (Psalm 23:5a)

 

    

 

     Throughout the course of my Bipolar illness, I’ve been fortunate to have a steady stream of income, a way to “bring home the bacon”.  More than this, I’ve been blessed with a steady wife who fries it up for me.  I’m not ashamed to admit that we have found the traditional gender roles to work well in our relationship.  In no way has this diminished my respect for her.  I know full well how poorly I would function without her.

 

 

     Too many persons with mental illnesses find themselves in positions where they don’t know where their next meal is coming from or with whom they might share it.  Even those with material resources struggle with chaos in their lives that works against their need for constant structure.  It helps me so much to know that breakfast is at 8, lunch at noon, and dinner at 5 (with little variation).

 

 

     One thing faith communities can provide to serve those with mental illnesses is a good meal.  And not just for the poor.  A church I once served offered a free Christmas dinner to the community and found that more “volunteers” showed up than “customers”.  These were mostly older and single adults looking for a way to battle the depression that often strikes on this holiday typically devoted to families.

 

 

     When we have a meal prepared for us by people who care about us, the enemies of depression and other forms of mental distress can be held at bay by a strong sense of fellowship we can’t help but share as we gather around God’s table of grace.

Sin and Sickness

Consider my affliction and my trouble,

     and forgive all my sins.  (Psalm 25:18)

      Over the years, I’ve given a lot of thought to the relationship between sin and sickness.  The Bible clearly connects the two, but it is not always clear what sort of connection exists. There are times when sickness is caused by what someone does or fails to do – as when the foolish Nabal’s inhospitable demeanor leads to a heart attack. 

     Other times, sickness is not caused by a person’s sin, such as when Job’s righteousness is tested. 

     Sin can be the result of a condition of sin (as in a genetic flaw) or a commission of sin (as in falling short of God’s commands).

     The relationship between sin and sickness can become particularly controversial when it comes to mental illness.  There has been such a stigma attached to it over the years it is little wonder many shy away from implications that the afflicted person may have done something wrong.  People have often viewed forms of mental illness as demon possession either invited in or allowed to remain in a person’s life through some lingering sin.

     I see my Bipolar illness the result of generational sin.  This does not pin the blame on me (or any particular ancestor), but recognizes what both the Bible and science have stated to be true.  Something is not right within me and it’s highly likely this has been passed down.

     Sin and sickness are somehow related.  Unless we see this in our lives, we may fail to take advantage of opportunities to experience healing.  Had the paralytic man argued with Jesus about his sin when Jesus pronounced forgiveness, he might not have been healed.  We need to be open to recognizing our part in either contributing to our illness or aggravating our symptoms.

     This is just as true for persons with Bipolar as for those with physical conditions such as diabetes.  We need to ask ourselves,

“Am I receiving the best treatment available?“

“Am I taking the prescribed meds?”

“Am I seeking spiritual sustenance?”

     If the answer to any of these is “No,” chances are we don’t really want to be healed. 

 

 

Good Boundaries

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

     I have a goodly heritage.   (Psalm 16:6, NRSV)

          One thing you’ll learn should you ever spend time in a psych hospital is that there are a lot of rules.  Rules about food.  Rules about noise.  Rules about visiting.  Rules about movies and television.  Rules about toiletries and other personal effects. 

          Since I am one who likes to have good, clear boundaries, these rules didn’t bother me so much.  There are other people, though, who are constantly trying to get around the rules.

          Like the man who found the staff person willing to bring him Starbucks coffee (at a price, no doubt) to replace what passed as coffee from the cafeteria.

          Like the woman who gained permission to use the exercise room during off hours as a space to listen to loud Hip Hop music on her boom box.

          Like the couple who found a way to prop a broom against the laundry room door so they could get around the “no-fraternization-with-the-opposite-sex” rule.

          One thing we ultimately have to learn as psych patients (and people as a whole) is that rules are generally good for us — especially those given by God.  They help establish clear, consistent boundaries within which was can live safely and safely let others live.  Only when we have good, firm boundaries can we survive (and even thrive) within this crazy, unpredictable world.

          Praise be to God who gives us such boundaries for life, as the Psalmist says – 

          “You have fixed all the bounds of the earth.”  (Psalm 74:19, NRSV)

An E.C.T. Morning

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope;

My soul waits for the Lord

          more than those who watch for the morning

          more than those who watch for the morning.   (Psalm 130:5-6, NRSV)

 

          It’s still dark outside.  I lie awake staring at the ceiling, wondering how much of my mind I’ll have left by the end of the day.  In just a short while I will be having my first dosage of Electro-Convulsive Therapy (E.C.T.) or “Shock Treatment”.  While I’ll be administered only a mild dose by highly trained professionals, the idea of subjecting my brain to a jolt of electrical current of any amount by anyone is a bit unnerving.

 

          So I lay in bed an wonder,

          ”Am I forcing God’s hand by seeking this still-controversial treatment?”

Or,

          “Am I submitting to the hands of gifted professionals who might help me recover to better serve the LORD?”

         

          As I lay in the darkness, no clear answer is found.  I am left to wonder, wait, and watch for what will happen next.

 

*******************************************************************

 

          Almost a year later and I’m still wondering if E.C.T. was right for my particular case.  Given the information we had at the time, I have to believe it was worth a shot.  My illness and the advanced medications I had been taking (and still take) sap the strength of my brain and E.C.T. could have put things in working order for a time.

          Yet, still I’m waiting.  Still watching.  Still hoping.  Hoping to serve God with my whole heart, body, and mind.  Or at least as much of my mind as I have left.